How To Help A Victim

Domestic violence is an epidemic problem in the United States. The Department of Health and Human Services reports that each year, 4.8 million women experience are assaulted or raped by an intimate partner. In fact, victims' husbands, former husbands and boyfriends are responsible for nearly 30 percent of female homicides. If you suspect a friend or family member is a victim of intimate partner violence (IPV), simple steps that you can take to help her may help save her life.

1 Listen attentively and offer non-judgmental support. Intimate partner violence is toxic not only to the body but to one's mental health and self-esteem as well. Remind your friend that domestic violence is never the fault of the victim. Avoid the temptation to say angry things about the abuser--this may only alienate a woman who is already feeling vulnerable and cause her to rethink her decision to confide in you.

2 Confront your friend if you have strong reason to suspect abuse. Do so in a gentle, non-judgmental way when the two of you have privacy. Be prepared for the possibility that your friend will be defensive or even angry. Remind your friend that you are confronting her out of concern, and that violence in an intimate relationship tends to escalate, not lessen.

3 Help your friend develop a "safe plan" for getting away from her violent partner. This involves deciding what steps need to be taken to protect the woman and her children, if she has any, should her partner get violent again. Your friend should compile a list of emergency contacts, as well as going over different ways that she can get out of her house if she is being chased. Peoples-law.org recommends victims fill a getaway suitcase with clothing, personal items, money, social security cards, bank books, the children's birth certificates and school records, and other important documents. If you can, offer to keep this suitcase at your house for her (see Resources below).

4 Point your friend towards the many resources available to domestic violence victims. The National Domestic Violence hotline, (800) 799-SAFE, provides 24/7 crisis intervention, counseling and referrals to local programs. If she decides to leave, a women's shelter might be her safest option (see Resources below).You can also help her to attain victim assistance funds, which are provided by most states. These funds can help cover medical expenses, lost wages and emergency needs resulting from violence. A victim can apply for these funds at her local victim assistance office once she has filed a police report. Finally, advise your friend that she as the right to a domestic violence victim advocate who will assist her with legal matters like filing a restraining order. Advocates are provided through programs like The Umbrella's Family Violence Victim Advocate Program.

5 If your friend is unwilling to seek help or report the abuse, you have the right to report the abuse to the authorities yourself. Of course, before taking a step like this, you will want to be fairly certain that violence is taking place; however, safe is always better than sorry. A person does not need to directly witness violence in order to report it--simply tell the police your reasons for your suspicion. In fact, teachers and health professionals are required by law to report any suspicions of violence, even when the alleged victim denies such abuse is taking place. Trust your gut--an angry friend is better than a dead one.

Other ways to help: